Friday, June 6, 2014

The submissive smile

Women say they resent it when men tell them to smile. And well they should. An instinctive smile, when one is not expressing pleasure or recognition, is a submissive gesture. This is why attractive women tend to smirk in response to the big goofy submissive smiles sent their way by lower status men.

One easy way to increase your perceived level of alpha is to simply not smile at strangers. Instead, just reply with a nod or a pleasant word. One can be perfectly civil without grinning at everyone like an idiot, and it's always interesting to see the difference it makes in people's perceptions.

I'm not talking about walking around glowering; self-conscious anger is much worse than indiscriminate smiling. But women have always been drawn to brooding men, so rather than turning them away with a gesture of preemptive submission, give them something to which they can be drawn.

23 comments:

Athor Pel said...

Many times when younger I was asked, "Are you angry?"

"No, why?", I would reply.

They would say, "You just look angry."

"Nope, not angry. Should I be angry? What did you do?"


This was an example of one of the more benign encounters. Some people would be intimidated to a degree that they would avoid me or ingratiate themselves to me to such a degree that even I the socially clueless picked up on it.

The ones most affected... women. I could induce a conciliatory demeanor in practically any woman I met. And I didn't even know what I was doing at the time.

All of this just because I was walking around with every muscle in my face in a neutral position. Got that? Neutral. No frown. No smirk. No squinty eyes. Completely neutral.

One more thing, I would look them straight in the eye.

It was in these years as a teenager that I figured out that some people were sheep and others wolves. Took me some more years to see the difference between wolves and sheep dogs.

mcro.tonl_piltdown said...

An enigmatic countenance - one of the side effect of strong levels of introversion. I can recall a few instances in particular where I thought I might have been a bit curt of dismissive in my interactions with certain women, only to find out later that they were actively seeking my attention.

Paradoxically, the very thing that allowed me the generalized sense of aloofness and detachment that women found attractive also prevented me from noticing (what I now recognize as) obvious indicators of interest. I wish I could have had this blog handy back in my college days.


- Cliftonb

Truth Seeker said...

"One easy way to increase your perceived level of alpha is to simply not smile at strangers. Instead, just reply with a nod or a pleasant word. One can be perfectly civil without grinning at everyone like an idiot, and it's always interesting to see the difference it makes in people's perceptions."

ALSO... if you are undoubtebly Alpha the reverse also works. Having that smooth, positive "bad boy" smile kinda like a smirk: "Yeah, I know you do" and just walking around all smooth with a upbeat positive Alpha attitude also attracts girls.

If you're Alpha it works both ways with usually different reactions.

Great post Vox.

subject by design said...

Not necessarily game related, although I suppose half of Russians are women, I read that Russians don't trust Americans because they smile for no reason. In the U.S. it is considered a friendly or welcoming gesture, but in other cultures it can be considered rude, creepy or sign of being a mental defective.

jimmy-jimbo said...

Being told to smile was what happened to me a lot of times. I wasn't happy much as a kid due to adolescent anxiety, unpopularity, and extensive bullying. Perhaps telling someone to smile has a counter effect, it lessens the perceived abuse done by others. Smiling will make it seem like you can handle a rough day.

Telling anyone to smile makes no sense. Instead, someone should help them so they will smile. This never happened to me. I suppose women want to be around someone that can make them smile. That's my theory. Of course, women are not funny themselves. There are some exceptions and I find myself gravitating to smiling women and women who are good with humor.

Maybe women are attractive to brooding men, but brooding does not make one attractive. You have to already be attractive. Being giddy might be a negative. People might think you're gay (really). So its about behavior acceptability. Be manly, not sissy.

Matamoros said...

Russians don't trust Americans because they smile for no reason.

Under Communism it was not good form to smile and make happy. So Russians kept neutral expressions. Recently a trove of photos from the very early 1930s before Stalin cranked up the terror and gulags following Lenin's New Economic Policy.

Russians of all ages had been photographed informally walking, talking, sitting in the parks, etc. They are virtually all smiling and looking happy. The article I saw on this said that these Russians from this period looked like Americans, what with the smiles.

Dexter said...

An enigmatic countenance - one of the side effect of strong levels of introversion. I can recall a few instances in particular where I thought I might have been a bit curt of dismissive in my interactions with certain women, only to find out later that they were actively seeking my attention.

Heh. Same here. I gave them the INTJ Death Stare before I even knew what that was.

In the USSR you will smile when the Party orders you to smile.

mickeypavic said...

It's interesting to watch animal submission behaviors (particularly monkeys) and watch for their equivalents in human behaviour.

Smiling and touching are definitely submissive behaviors, almost all 'creepy' behaviour are a form of submission.

Michael Maier said...

It's so easy to assert eye-contact dominance on most women. They really don't seem to know how to deal with direct, unsmiling eye contact. (Sometimes, I use a slight smirk.) Most cast their eyes down; some look almost fearful while doing so, some look bashful while smiling beamingly. I really like eliciting the latter. It feels like sexy victory.

Should I maybe prefer the former?

And since when is touching submissive? I think you need to revisit your delivery of your touches.

Doom said...

People always talk about game. There is another side. While you are correct about smiling, to my notions, there is more. If you want to back a woman off, smile like a fool. Bright, big, cheery. Doesn't always work, especially if a bit of smirk shows through, or your expression doesn't match. Practice. Yes, there are some women who just aren't right. *smile*

Brad Andrews said...

"The joy of the Lord is my strength." I would rather let that joy show through than try to stifle it.

I am not hunting for a spouse though as I already have one, so perhaps it is not so important. I am not sure this is enough of the whole picture to make a firm principle out of.

I did notice that I was rather quiet last night and my wife did ask me if I was "ok" several times though, so maybe I need to think more on the subject.

JCclimber said...

Every time I see a comment about a "broody man", it makes me......smile.

Now that we have a small flock of pet chickens, I've seen where we get the expression "broody" from, it's from a hen who has decided she wants to be a mommy.

Doom said...

Or, have chicks, JC.

mickeypavic said...

Michael Maier

Should have prefaced that one, touching, men touching men like a pat on the back. You see it In sports all the time, the weaker man will seek assurance from the stronger man by touching him.

Vox said...

Every time I see a comment about a "broody man", it makes me......smile.

Brooding, not broody. Men brood. Women get broody. Important difference.

Lilac and Datura said...

Dress like her dad, it releases a hormone called Momatomin
When you get into an elevator with a woman, press a higher number than her and then make a big deal about it
Push her in a lake
Be one of the tallest guys in the bar and brag about how long your but crack is
Sing a song that you supposedly heard on the radio and then make fun of her for not knowing it
Use the word idiot
NEVER make her pancakes, force her to make YOU pancakes, in the middle of the night.

poohbum said...

All average girls need to do is keep is take care of themselves and have that feminine approach / smile about them. It really isn't that hard. Even the most plain girls can get great guys, just open those big wide eyes, smile and talk with cheer in your voice. One youth meet up, a girl I didn't notice (plain) asks if I wanted to go to another meet, she does so sitting down, wide eyes and a smile. Bam, girl who was nothing before completely turns her standing around.
It is funny, submissive smiles actually intimidate guys, not because of actual fear but because the girl is being so feminine the guy realises the girl is high quality. Being moody is just going to make the guy more annoyed and aggressive, actual feminine submission, funny enough, makes the guy submissive (in a sense) by melting his heart.

This is what women had before the 20th Century, this is "seduction". Women had more power over men, since in their submission they never admitted the actual power they had. Women cannot pull those strings anymore, this is why they are unhappy more than ever, and men haven't changed.

Truth Seeker said...

Great summary poohbum. Totally makes the point.

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Laura M said...

Touching is actually a dominant action. In studying videos of world leaders, it has been found that the dominant person initiates contact. When one leader touched another, the recipient of the touch immediately reciprocated in order to establish an equal level of dominance. There have been such extreme cases as "touch wars" and fights to get through the door first. So when one athlete touches another, this is not submission, but dominance in action. Hence the roughhousing and butt-slapping displays. Also, a person who displays what another post called "creepy submissive behavior" is in fact not submissive at all. Rather, the submission is a directed instrument, used in order to get what one wants. In this case, the "creepy submissive's" desire is to make the intended victim think there is no threat present, when actually there is. This is why the behavior comes off as creepy in the first place; it is not sincere. Do not take this behavior lightly. Cut off the contact, reject the deception, and move on. Keep a wary eye out for this person as you leave; anyone who has to assure you there is no threat is most likely up to something. Finally, remember that what we think of as "common sense" is often counterintuitive and counterproductive to our safety. I hope the 2 examples above, based on empirical research by people who also have many years of practical experience in the fields of psychology and personal safety, demonstrate this. My only reason for this post was to (hopefully) help both males and females, regardless of their gender expressions, to be safer in our society. Only seeing people in terms of the way we think they are can often be a direct threat to that safety.

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